The Loss

Saturday morning, I drove over to Ann's house. I knocked on her door then forced myself in. She was on her couch holding her tummy. She had called me in the middle of the night telling me of having severe cramps. She could withstand the pain so she suggested I take her to hospital in the morning. Her husband, Mike, was out of town on an assignment.

I helped her to my car as she was really weak. I could see little drops of sweat on her forehead and I knew she was having a fever. As she was trying to sit in the front seat, I saw a red patch on the back of her dress that looked like blood. My heart skipped a beat. Was she having a miscarriage? 

I didn't want to raise the alarm so I just went to the driver's seat and drove off. Despite the hospital being ten minutes away, I felt like it took an hour or so. Ann was now crying hysterically from the pain in her tummy.

I led her to straight to the nurse who was standing near the reception and tried to explain to her. Her look explained the situation. It was bad! She called for a wheel chair and Ann was pushed to the examination room. I was not allowed to go with her so I had to wait. 

I texted Fred. I needed him to know the situation that we were in. I had left him still in the house sleeping as he leaves the house at 8 am. He texted back immediately and asked what was the main issue. I was not sure yet so i told him we need to wait for the Doctor's final diagnosis. 

After about two hours, the nurse called my name and asked me to go with her to the Doctors office. The doctor was a nice young woman with blond hair tied into a pony tail. She signaled me to one of the seats in front of her. 

"My name is Dr. Mary Ward and the doctor to the patient you brought." She started. "She was in a bad state when you brought her in. We did all we could but unfortunately she miscarried."

My suspicions were right. 

"Is she in pain?" I asked.

"No. she is not. We gave her a sedative and she is sleeping as we speak. We initially did a pelvic exam and ultrasound test to check if there is anything that remained in her womb. Since there was some remains, we had to perform a dilation and curettage procedure. So we are now monitoring her condition. She is stable for now."

"Wow!" I responded.

"I know its a lot but she is fine." She assured me.

"What caused this?" 

"There are a lot of reasons why a miscarriage happens. It can be either Chromosomal abnormalities, uterine abnormalities, immunologic disorders, uncontrolled diabetes, bacterial infection, drugs, or stressful environment. For her case, she either was under so much stress both at home and work."

"She has been under stress lately. She doesn't have a nanny and her job is really time consuming." I said.

"She has to take time and give herself some rest." Dr Ward said.

"Ill try and help her. Can I see her?" I asked.

"Yes but only for ten minutes. She needs the rest."

1+1

Ann, my cousin Tina and I organised a hook up in one of the coffee joints in town. I had not seen Tina for the past five months as she had traveled to Australia for a conference and holiday combo. She really looked good in her white skinny jeans, black vest and a black water fall sweater. Her nude heals made me wanna run to the shops and buy them.

Ann arrived as we had already settled with Tina and ordered our drinks. As she walked to table, I could not resist looking at her. She was dressed in a pink midi skirt, white peplum top and black flat ballet shoes. She had a black sling bag. Just as Fred had said, she had really gained weight, or was it her clothes?

She gave us all a hug and sat down directly opposite my chair.

"Girl, I haven't seen you in ages!" I started.

"I miss you too dear. How have you all been?" Ann asked while taking the menu.

"We have been good." Tina answered in between her sip of white coffee.

"How is the family Tina? Australia?"

"It was wonderful. I do not think you have the time to listen to all the details." she added.

"We are here, you better start with the details!" Ann insisted.

We laughed.

She started giving us all the juicy parts of the story. She really looked happy telling the story. She clearly had fun. I was so happy for her. Just a few months back, she had experienced the most horrifying part of her life when her husband turned evil and beat her so bad that she was admitted to the hospital. Seeing her smiling made my heart happy for her.

"What about you?" Ann asked interrupting my thoughts.

"What?" I asked.

"How is Chloe?" Tina asked.

"She is doing well. Almost one in a few months."

"Wow, now I feel bad. Time has run out and yet I haven't even come to see her." Tina said while holding her face.

"You should come over. Fred and Chloe will be thrilled." I said. 

Ann order of vanilla milkshake was brought to the table. It looked yummy.

"Ann, I can see big developments." I started.

"Which ones?" She asked.

"You decided to gain again? I thought you hit the gym for the same reason?"

"Kate, that's mean!" Tina shouted.

"No its not."

I turned and looked at Ann who was looking at us smiling. She shook her head, sipped more shake then said, "Yes I have. Eight pounds to be exact."

"Huh?!" I gasped.

"I'm pregnant." She added.

I was stunned. I really didn't expect that. Her first born is only a year and a half!

"I was surprised as all of you but what can I do? I have to except the circumstances even though its not favorable." Ann said. "I wish it was another period of my life but it isn't."

"How far are you?" Tina asked.

"Two months."

"Two months? And I have only known this today?" I asked felling left out.

"It was not the most exciting news to share to anyone leave alone myself."

"I understand Ann." I assured her. "Congratulations nevertheless."

"Thank you."

A glass to me!

Let me say something that you would not hear every day.

"Never compare your life as that of the TV programs. You will fail miserably."

For the longest time, I kept on admiring how couples on my favorite shows looked. They seemed happy and touchy touchy almost all the time. I had moments where I dreamt how my wedding would be, how the babies will be raised and even the car that we will drive.

Life gave me a big shock of my expectations versus the reality. For one, the wedding I had always pictured on my head never came through. I preferred to hold a small wedding with close family and friends. The budget and distance between the friends I had changed. I preferred the people who stood by me to be present alongside the family that I had gained.

The man I had pictured in my mind was tall, masculine and wealthy. Yes, wealthy! Funny, right? I managed to get Fred who was tall, not masculine and not wealthy but very happy with him. The romantic novels I had read while I was young gave me an imagination same as the characters. We have struggled together especially when he was jobless. Taking the role of the house was not easy especially when I was pregnant. 

With the babies, I have one whom I love so much! Getting her was not easy as I had pictured. I went through a lot like miscarriages, bed rest and painful labor in order to bring her to this world. She is perfect. I thought I would go have sex, wait nine months then give one sexy push and the baby would pop out like in the movies. Nah! I even questioned women who had more than eight kids how they managed to handle it all. 

As I am approaching my thirties, I have come to appreciate the things that have made me whom I am. The pain, struggles, laughter, stress, illness, mourning period, love and work gave me the strength to move forward. 

I have reached the big 3-0. I have accomplished a lot of things. I am blessed. Just the other day I came from campus naïve as a chicken to the corporate world and have risen to the HR Manager. My dream already in just a few years. My best friend, Ann, is on her way up the ladder too. She was recently promoted as the Chief Regional Officer. High five to us!

My love of my life, Fred. The father of my baby. The soul mate. My husband. He is still charming as ever, patient, loving and at 32 years, he is the best to have around. His career took a dive but he is on the way to stability. I love you baby. May God bless us with more days to see our grandkids becoming presidents. LOL

Of Tulips

7pm, 8pm then 9pm.

9pm was the time Fred came home. He was carrying two bunches of flowers. I had been mad for him for hours that I did not have the energy to start arguing with him. I had been busy with bathing the baby that I did not hear him come in. He cleared his throat behind me. I was startled!

He gave me a hug then handed me two bouquet of flowers.

"Two?" I asked checking the flowers. One was white roses and the other was tulips.

"Yes. The tulips are for you and the other for Iman."

I smiled. He remembered the baby too! Too bad I had not bought a gift for him. I'm not a bad person, am I?

I went to the kitchen, picked up two vases and filled them with water quarter way then put the flowers in. I placed the tulip flowers in our bedroom then the white roses as a center piece at the dining table.

"I thought you would come home earlier." I said.

"Yes, I thought so too but work was a bit too much at the office that I had to stay over. I'm sorry. "He apologized. "Happy Anniversary baby."

"Happy Anniversary to you too." I replied smiling.

I served food for us then drank the wine that I had bought. Cheers to happy years of being together. We ate as we were watching the Empire series.

"Ann and Mike said hi. I met them at Sally's when I was leaving the office." He started.

"Thanks. How are they doing?" I asked taking another sip of the wine. 

"They are okay, cheerful as always. Is Ann just fat or is she pregnant?

"What?" I asked back shocked.

"Yea, she has really gained some pounds if you ask me. "

"I would have known if she was pregnant by now. Guess she has added a bit of weight." I replied making a mental note of calling her tomorrow. It has been weeks since we saw each other.

"Wow, then that is fast. Just the other day she was going to the gym. What happened?" Fred said.

"We can't know until we get answers from her." I replied.

"Okay. What do you think of Trump as a president?" He asked.

"Really?"

"Yes, he is a hopeful. You obviously have a view on him."

"I would rather discuss something else." I replied rolling my eyes up.

"Something like this?" He said then kissed me. Very passionately for about two minutes.

I nodded.

We continued for few more minutes before we proceeded to undress each other. It was really getting hot in here! His heartbeat was like he was running. Fast and energetic. His hands did the exploring on my body before he pressed his body into mine. 

Anniversary

Since I had the baby, I have come to find out that motherhood is a major learning curve. One minute you are pregnant and the next you're a feeding, diapering and a soothing machine. At the same time, you're way out of your depth, struggling to navigate a stormy sea of new emotions that are unique to moms — from exhilarating pride to nail-biting frustration. I never knew that it would take a lot of toil on me.

Today is our anniversary. It has been a great journey so far. Checking my diary at the office this morning, I realized that it was the actual anniversary date. I tried as much as possible to finish my work at the office and rushed out as soon as the clock hit 5pm. I passed by the market and got some good looking lamb meat, picked some sweet wine and spices.

Back in the house, I found the nanny and Chloe watching cartoons. The baby was so focused on the screen that she didn’t notice my presence! Taking advantage of the situation, I went to the kitchen, placed the items on the kitchen counter and straight to the bedroom. I undressed and stepped to the shower then wore a pink tank top and a black short. Thereafter, I finally went back to the living room and released the nanny. She usually leaves at around 6pm when am back home. Chloe was licking her fingers while still watching Spongebob Squarepants. I am so lucky to have found a perfect nanny. The baby loves her so much that at times I get all jealous from the attention she gets.

I went back to the kitchen and placed the wine in the fridge to get it chilled out before Fred arrives. In the meantime, I started preparing the lamb meat by marinating it with a selection of spices and soy sauce. I then placed them in the oven which was already on at 180 degrees Celsius. As it was getting ready, I boiled some water and put in rice. This was Fred’s favorite food. I know it will make him happy.

Almost an hour had passed and I had not heard Chloe mumble or cry so I tip toed to the other room and peeped. Aaaawww, she was asleep at the same position she was. The nanny had put cushions all around her and two of them at the back to support her back. I wiped my hands and took her to her cot. She must be tired. I checked her diapers and luckily she was dry. She hates being changed while she is asleep. I set the baby monitor on and returned to the kitchen. 

After a few minutes, the food was ready. Now all that remained was my dear hubby to come through those doors and spend some time together.

Chloe Imani

I'll start by apologizing to all of you in regarding to not posting as I was used to. It has been hectic with the newborn and juggling work. I'm back now and will continue posting weekly.

I gave birth to baby Chloe on the 20th of March. She was born without any complications and weighed 2.8kg. She was beautiful! We named her Chloe Imani. We decided to give her the name Imani which is a swahili name which means faith or belief. I chose that name as I fell in love with the swahili culture when Fred and I visited the coastal town of Malindi in Kenya last year. We are both religious so the name resonates well with our little addition to the family. 

The labor pain was painful but am glad the end results was amazing. Fred was with me throughout the whole process. He never left my sight. Through the screams and tears, he held my hands tight to help me go through the birth. My mum, Fred's family and Ann were all there to see her. She got lots of gifts especially from my mother-in-law who she is named after. 

Now, baby is all grown up. She can be able to roll herself across the bed when awake and loves being held in a standing position although she is not able to stand on her own. She started crawling or rather hoisting herself up on her tiny hands and knees then rock backward and forward. She enjoys this. I am still breastfeeding her although I have started weaning her. She has mashed ripe bananas, avocados and cereals. She has also started taking an interest on jingles especially during the commercial breaks on the television. She leaves whatever she was doing and listens to it until the end. She has grown fond of a kangaroo doll that her daddy got for her. I usually leave her with a nanny that I employed so that I can be able to go back to work. It is expensive but am willing to sacrifice so that she can be in safe hands.

I returned to work after the stipulated maternity leave. It was hard the first day but I have managed to balance the schedules. Did I tell you that I was promoted permanently to the Human Resource Manager? Yes, I was. The previous manager left to join another firm and I was given the opportunity to head the department. 

Fred finally managed to get another place in town with an upcoming IT firm. He was employed as an IT consultant. Although it is not well paying as the previous one, it was a good start especially since we got baby Chloe. Our savings had started getting low. I pray he continues to get more opportunities to keep the family afloat. He has been of great help around the house and with the baby.

Family Diary

I was to reveal the sex of the baby today but I think I’ll wait until I give birth. I don’t want to spoil the surprise!

I am almost due and have been secretly been shopping for the baby items. Fred has no idea of the things I have been buying. We live in a two bedroom house, so it is obvious that he would expect that I would pack all of the baby items there. The other room had only been done the basic; the baby cot and diapers. The items that I have been buying are safely stored in a cabinet on top of my closet. They include those fancy items that would make him scream because of the cash used.

Still working from home, my body was becoming weak each and every moment. Most times, I could not even cook the basic food. I ended up ordering from a cafeteria nearby. I tried to stay on most healthy foods but most times the temptations of getting fast food was too much. I gained twelve kilograms throughout the last few months.

What my dear sister Ann never told me is that I would be suffering from urine leakage every now and then! If I sneeze, cough or bend to pick something up, I would immediately leak! Initially, I thought it was embarrassing and really frustrating. As I did my research on the issue, I came to find out that it was because of the baby’s position in my womb that was leading to this. I started doing kegel exercises in order to battle the incontinence.

I also suffer from constipation, a lot! Despite my daily intake of more than two liters of water, fruits and vegetables in my diet, it still persisted. I finally talked to my doctor about it and he explained that it usually occurs from the eighth month onwards. Since I was almost approaching my due date, it was normal. He advised that I continue eating healthy as possible and everything would be okay.

The baby kicks were now very strong especially in the morning. It was like he was hitting you so that you would wake up. My belly was now so big and round. I looked like a clown. But he calmed down as the day progressed.

Fred had been called for interviews a couple of times now. Although he had not been successful yet, it looked promising. He was good at what he does and it proved in those interviews. All he had to do now was just be positive and he will get there. His dad had asked him to join the family business. His family was well off and could give him the position with good salary but he declined.  He didn’t want his dad to come to his aid. He wanted to climb the social ladder by himself. He argued that his family had done enough by giving us the beautiful house we live in.